My mind has gone blank

Once again I was unable to get into my blog to post, until now. This post was written last December. Hopefully I can be more consistent with writing.

Before I could access my blog again, I had all kinds of thoughts of things I wanted to post. Now it seems my mind has gone blank. Why is that? Makes a body wonder.
Holidays are tough ones. I finally put up my tree tonight. I bought decorations to decorate it differently this year. I thought, over this year, that I was doing good. But I am realizing it will still take time. Lots of time. I love the ornaments I have collected over the years. There are handmade ones that the kids made at school & church, and also ones I bought for them each year. I decided I needed a change. Maybe it will make things easier, but probably not. And it's ok!
We still have our sweet little foster baby that we have had for nearly 8 months now. She is such a precious little one. Always happy, smiling, and responding to us. Today was court for her parents. It was another routine hearing, going over the plans for reunification, and reviewing if mom & dad are doing their part to make the reunification happen. As I was sitting there, I had a very strong impression that she is going back to them. I suppose I should explain that. Mom & Dad have had 8 months to do what the social workers have asked them to do in order to get her back. Instead of doing it, they have found every excuse imaginable as to why they haven't. It is incredibly frustrating and sad. Not to mention the fact that they hate that their baby is in a white peoples home. They are Native American, and extremely racist. It makes me so sad to see this, and to know that this is what this sweet, darling baby is going to be raised up in. BUT, I know it is not my business. My job is to just take care of the babies and love them until they are able to go home to their parents. This little one just has a way of touching everyone's lives who come in contact with her, even for a brief moment. I don't know if I have had as special a little spirit in my home before. There is just something about her. I have learned that I have to have faith that Heavenly Father is mindful of her and will do what He can to watch over her. I guess I just had hope that the reunification would not happen, or be successful, so she would have the opportunity to be adopted into a good home.
Then I am torn, because I realize that when she is gone I will be able to really concentrate more on my sweet grandchildren. Then I feel awful thinking that, because I know just how much John & I will miss her. Oh well. I must wait & cross that bridge when we get there.
As I read back over this, I am chuckling to myself, thinking it seems like I am rambling. Maybe I shouldn't try to write when it is late at night. lol